When a Team Member’s “Jokes” Cross the Line: How to Handle It Without Making Things Worse
Let’s talk about that moment when someone on your team makes a “joke” that’s… not funny.
You know the kind… the comment that instantly makes the air in the room feel heavy, the one that’s “borderline” offensive but no one quite knows how to respond. And if you’re lucky like I’ve been (sarcasm) the joke may even be about you!! As a biracial female growing up and in the workplace, I’ve been content for many of jokes in my time.
If you’ve ever been in that situation as a bystander, a manager, or even the butt of the joke, you know how uncomfortable it feels and how tricky it is to address. You want to maintain a positive team dynamic (you may even laugh at first), but you also have a responsibility to speak up and protect yourself and your team from harmful or inappropriate behavior.
So, what do you do when someone in your workplace keeps toeing that line?
First and foremost: you’re right to take this seriously
After years of simply laughing off offensive jokes, I still struggle to stand up for something that doesn’t sit well. But even if the comments are disguised as “just jokes,” they can absolutely impact morale, safety, and trust within the team. This isn’t about being overly sensitive, it’s about creating a space that feels safe for everyone - not just the person cracking jokes.
1. Start Documenting Everything
Please take note of the time, place, and words communicated in each “funny” interaction. This is your first line of defense.
If you record team meetings (with consent), make sure to save those recordings. If it was in person, grab your phone or a notebook to take detailed notes on what was said, when, and who was present. You don’t need to make it dramatic, just factual.
You’re not here to act like a reporter trying to “catch” anyone but you do need to build a record to help you make informed decisions instead of relying on memory or hearsay later.
2. Review Your Company Policies
Before taking any action, take a look at your employee handbook or internal HR policies.
Some companies have clear guidance on how to handle inappropriate or borderline behavior. Others might require that you follow a specific escalation process before HR gets involved. The many hours we spend training on employee conduct and harassment are for good reason. Go back and revisit those training sessions. They will give you more information about which category these “jokes” fall into, if any.
Knowing the guidance on tricky situations will help you avoid overstepping and protect you if things escalate.
3. Check State Compliance and Harassment Laws
This is especially important if the behavior feels like it’s crossing a line into harassment or discrimination.
Workplace laws vary from state to state, and some require specific documentation or reporting procedures. A quick search for your state’s harassment compliance guidelines can help you understand what’s legally required of you as a manager.
4. Loop in HR or Leadership Early
Please please please don’t internalize this. You don’t have to figure this out alone and the longer you stay quiet on this questionable behavior, the more it will affect you, your work, and the team at large.
Once you have your documentation and you’ve reviewed policies, bring the situation to HR or your leadership team. I’d recommend going to leadership first and then, together, bring it to HR.
You can say something like:
“I’ve noticed some recurring comments from [a team member/employee’s name] that are making me uncomfortable. I’ve documented a few examples and reviewed our policies, but I’d like your guidance on the next step.”
This approach shows you’re taking initiative and following protocol, which builds trust with both HR and your team.
As much as we’d like to think professional workplaces are more mature and advanced than the high school cafeteria… it’s not. People will continue to say rude, crude, or offensive jokes at the expense of not knowing any better.
As hard as it is for me to stand up and say something when comments don’t sit right with me, my goal is to give you tips, tools, and scripts to make it easier for you to do without feeling like you are jeopardizing your reputation, relationships, or job security.
You don’t need to have the perfect script or confrontation strategy ready. What matters most is that you’re handling this responsibly and thoughtfully by documenting, referencing policy, and speaking up.
Being an effective communicator in the workplace isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about creating an environment where people feel safe, respected, and heard.
I hope this helps.
