How to Work with a Toxic Leader (Without Losing Your Sanity or Confidence)

Here’s a hot take that shouldn’t be a hot take:

Good leadership requires good communication. Full stop. No matter the size of the team, the title, or the pressure at play—strong communication is non-negotiable.

I’m so tired of working with bad leaders because they lack the basic communication skills needed to lead people. It’s wild to me how many people in leadership positions lack this foundational skill. From missed meetings to cold emails to last minute requests… poor communication from bad leadership creates confusion, dysfunction and a toxic work environment. 

And unfortunately, it leaves you, the employee, to pick up the pieces.

Sound familiar?

• Your manager constantly shows up late (or not at all) to your 1:1s

• They send last-minute requests with no context—and expect immediate action

• They’re difficult to approach or talk to simply because they have a higher pay grade than you

• Expectations are either vague... or completely unrealistic
  

When this kind of behavior is brushed off as “just how they are,” (as if they can’t control how they communicate with the people they lead) the result is an environment where you feel disrespected, undervalued, and disconnected from your work.

That’s not leadership. That’s toxicity.

And no, you can’t fire your boss. But you can learn to show up to work with clarity, confidence, and a practical communication strategy that protects your time and energy. Especially when leadership isn’t leading well.

Here’s how to manage up (when leadership is letting you down):

1. Define what’s really going on

Before you spiral into frustration (understandably!), take a step back and identify the core issues. Are you dealing with disorganization? Emotional volatility? Avoidance? Lack of clarity?

Quick tip: Start documenting patterns. Keep notes of missed meetings, unclear asks, or inappropriate communication styles. This isn’t about “getting someone in trouble” but it’s about understanding the real problem so you can respond strategically. Documentation helps you define it while keeping you sane in the process. 

2. Set boundaries without burning bridges

Boundaries can feel terrifying in your career but they’re not ultimatums. They’re clarity.

Instead of thinking:

“I can’t/won’t do that.”

Try:

“I’m focusing on [priority] right now. Can you help me understand where this fits in?”

Boundaries don’t mean saying no to everything—they mean saying yes to the right things.

Here’s an example of it - 

“Hey [Manager], I’m currently working on [X]. Is this new request time-sensitive, or can it wait until [Y]? That’ll help me prioritize appropriately.”

3. Control what you can control

Toxic leaders are unpredictable. You never know what mood they’re in or what new fire drill will get thrown your way. 

But here’s the truth: you don’t have to match their chaos.

Focus on:

• Your own communication tone

• What’s actually urgent vs. just loud

• Protecting your time, energy, and values

  Here’s an example - 

“Confirming receipt of your message and will respond by [day/time] once I’ve had a chance to review it thoroughly.”

Communication Scripts to Keep Your Sanity (and Boundaries) Intact

• “Hey [Boss], I’d appreciate if we could stick to email for work-related topics. It helps me stay organized and follow up appropriately.”
  

•  “I’m currently focused on [task/project]. Is this new request urgent, or can it wait until [X]? Want to make sure I’m using time effectively.”
  

•  “Can you clarify which task is highest priority today? That’ll help me make sure I’m aligned with your expectations.”
  

Working with a toxic leader is exhausting.
But your energy? Your communication? Your sense of worth?

You have more control than you think. By naming what’s happening, setting grounded boundaries, and using clear, confident language, you can protect your workday from chaos—and maybe even influence a better culture along the way.

Need more tools to deal with workplace chaos?
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