How to Handle Difficult Coworkers Without Losing Your Sanity
If you’re in a manager role, chances are you’ve already crossed paths with a “difficult” coworker. Maybe it’s the peer who tries to manage you, the drama that eats up your time, or the colleague who seems to thrive in corporate politics. These situations can leave even the most capable leaders drained. And not by their actual job but by the distractions and unnecessary conflict swirling around them.
When I work 1:1 with clients, these challenges come up again and again. One client, for example, found herself constantly undermined by a coworker who nitpicked her work and cc’d senior leaders unnecessarily. Another was stuck in the middle of team drama that dominated meetings and kept projects from moving forward. And another realized she was being excluded from key decisions simply because she wasn’t engaging in the same informal political conversations as her peers.
What I’ve seen through these situations is that while the circumstances vary, the steps to handle them are remarkably consistent.
Here’s the framework I give my clients to keep their focus (and sanity) intact:
Step 1: Document everything
Difficult coworkers can make you question yourself. You’ll find yourself asking
“Am I overreacting?”
“What’s going on here?”
“Why is this so challenging?”
That’s why I always tell my clients: documentation is your best friend. Take notes, capture screenshots, record timestamps. One client realized that what felt like a vague frustration with a peer was actually a pattern of behavior once she tracked it. Seeing it laid out on paper allowed her to address it objectively, rather than emotionally.
Step 2: Set a deadline for escalation
The hardest part of dealing with difficult people is the sense that you’ll be stuck managing them forever. That’s why I recommend setting a “deadline.” Decide up front when you’ll seek external support whether from HR, a performance review process, or a manager’s intervention. One client gave herself six weeks. If the situation didn’t improve by then, she’d escalate. The act of setting that line gave her peace of mind and prevented the problem from stretching on indefinitely.
Step 3: Protect your sanity with boundaries
You can’t control other people’s behavior, but you can control how much it distracts you from your own goals. For managers, that often means separating personal career goals from managerial responsibilities. One client was drowning in team drama until she set a boundary: meetings were for business updates, not venting sessions. Another decided to engage in corporate politics on her own terms like attending select networking events so she wasn’t invisible, while still keeping her values intact.
These boundaries freed them to prioritize what actually mattered: business results, professional growth, and team success.
However you find yourself managing difficult coworkers or team dynamics, it is often inevitable to avoid. BUT these difficult situations don’t have to consume all of your time, energy, confidence or productivity. By documenting interactions, setting a clear timeline for escalation, and protecting your focus with strong boundaries, you can manage these challenges without letting them distract or drain you.
When I coach managers through situations like this, they often come back to me saying: “I’m so glad I met you.” Not because I gave them world renowned advice but because they felt heard and they had specific actions to take to remedy a situation that felt… stagnant and un-remedyable.
That’s exactly the goal with the work I do here at Career Civility: to take business communication from stagnant and productive to building professional relationships that are clear, civil and action oriented to make working with people more enjoyable and successful.
What’s the toughest coworker dynamic you’ve had to manage whether it be drama, politics, or someone trying to manage you? I’d love to hear how you’ve handled it.
