3 Steps to Approach Racism with Friends and Colleagues
Which person do you most identify with?
The person who is tired of calling out racism and fighting for equality
Or the person who is staying silent and observing all chaos unfold
I’ve interacted with both of those people. I’ve been both of those people. And today, I’m writing to help others understand that there are tactical ways we can speak out against racism and stand up for all members of humanity. Because when we have the ability to communicate effectively, we improve our households, our communities, our schools, and our workplaces.
It is no secret that the workplace has fallen short of diversity and inclusion expectations. If we take a look at the Fortune 500 companies -
Only 15% of the CEOs are women (71 total)*
There are only 5 black CEOs (1%)
And there are 10 Latinx CEOs (2%)
And to put this is context for you -
The population of women in America is 50%
The population of African Americans is 13%
The population of Latinx is 19%
It is no mistake that the number of women and people of color are disproportionately represented in corporate leadership positions in the workplace compared to the population proportions in the United States. And the current events that happen in our communities on the weekends and in our neighborhoods (sadly) directly reflect the progress that is being made - or not being made - in the workplace.
“What starts in our own homes and at our own dinner tables is reflected in the conference room.”
I wish I could tell you that 2020 was the start of a new decade that benefitted from all the work our ancestors did both inside and outside the workplace. I wish I could tell black and brown babies (including my own) that they will be safe in this world. And I wish I could tell you that your place of work is immune from all the hatred and biases.
And yet - it breaks my heart that this is not the reality we live in. The reality we live in is that the white supremacy creates a silence in all of us, a divide in equal representation, and it seeps into our everyday lives.
Two years ago I experienced an uncomfortably heated conversation about race. My friend who happened to be a white male, casually mentioned he would cross the street when he saw a group of black men approaching on the sidewalk in his own neighborhood. Why? Because he was afraid of being jumped. Immediately this comment triggered something in me. Myself and my husband both gave each other “the look” and proceeded to challenge this proclamation.
“Why do you feel the need to cross the street?”
“Where do you form this worldview?”“Has it ever occurred to you that this mentality is racist?”
The statement he made is not what was the most upsetting...The reaction we received from calling out the racist remark is what catapulted me over the ledge.
The defensive nature of his anger and how fragile he was to our challenges is what truly defeated my hope for change.
“I am not racist”
“This is why white people cannot say how they feel because they are labeled as racists”“I workout with a black guy every morning”
“It is not my fault that the crime that happens in my neighborhood is by 18-22 year old black men”
Woof. How can we have these productive and challenging conversations when the dialogue becomes emotionally charged and personal? How can we save the friendship while challenging his worldview?
I offer three steps to feel confident and comfortable when approaching racially heated situations.
Listen, listen, listen.
Continually ask the questions…
"Where are they coming from?"
"Why do they feel that way?"
2. Offer an alternate perspective.
Ask if you can offer your perspective or if you can add additional context to the conversation.
Let's be honest... some people just won't listen. A lot of times people will ask me if I try to be civil with people who clearly have no desire to understand other perspectives outside their own.
My answer? Test the waters. Ask if you can offer your perspective or if you can add additional context to the conversation. If they take it - great. That opens the door for you to engage. If they refuse, then you have your answer and you can shut the conversation down. While it is for the best of intentions, there is no use in arguing with someone who will not even give you the time of day.
3. Offer a simple solution.
The solution can be a recommendation for a documentary or a book. It can be a donation to a charity or it can even be a request to continue the conversation at a later date when both parties have calmed down.
Racism is deep and it is hard. A lot of times people do not want to touch the subject because they don’t even know where to start. That is why I am offering 3 steps to approach these conversations, with the final step being solution oriented.
In my case, I simply asked my friend to walk on the same side of the sidewalk the next time he was approaching a black man on the street. Simple - yet even an act this small, can challenge a worldview.
4. If all else fails, protect your own mental well being
This step was added 2 years after this blog post was originally published. Because two years after the murder of George Floyd and black people are tired. It is ok to step away from the work and to protect your peace.
“I believe that in order for us to create a positive workplace culture, it starts at the dinner table with friends and family”
I am passionate about tough conversations using civil communication because I refuse to believe that these stories and these conversations are not a catalyst for change.
If you cannot challenge your own friends, how in the world will you ever be able to challenge your boss when a racist remark is made?
It is up to us to hold each other accountable for change in this world. If we can start by simply asking questions, challenging uncomfortable statements, sharing diverse perspectives, and having the tough conversations, we will see change. I am on a mission to improve the culture of the workplace and it starts by igniting change at the dinner table.
*The percentage of women holding positions of CEO in Fortune 500 companies is up from 7.4% when the blog post was originally published in 2020 #progress
